2006-03-09
001
Gosh, here we go again. This is, if I'm not forgetting any, my sixth dland account. Three of the others were regularly updated, and the other two were supposed to be, but never were, sadly. But I miss the days of having a journal that is a place for thoughts and reflecting and not a goddamn social directory. It's probably a self-conscious thing to want to separate people I socialize with and people I relate to emotionally. You wouldn't think there'd be a difference, and yet there is! Some people work well under social pressure and expectation, and they live for that kind of thing. I do not and I probably never will.
I like to think no one is paying attention to me, but at the same time be prepared for the fact that someone may be watching it. You can call it paranoia if you will, but I always have the feeling someone's watching me, and I seem to always be putting on a show. Capricorn rising, maybe? Yes, I think so. The pressure and crap make me cut off parts of myself, and it makes me unhappy to not feel creatively expressed. So here is number six, where hopefully I'll get my journaling groove on, regardless of an audience or their expectations. I feel good about this one! Let's just stay strangers, it's really all I ask.
gemsquared at 6:22 a.m.